Life has revolved around work to such an extent, that I barely have time and energy to practise the flute each day. It really takes quite some effort to peel myself away from the sofa (and from TV) to hide in my room with the instrument. And even when I had the time to practise, I find myself inventing excuses not to practise, and also not to feel guilty for not practising. Its pathetic I know, but I'm just so tired!!

And of course, I've harboured the evil thought of dropping flute altogether. Its so tempting, cos without the need to practise, I can spend my free time in whatever way I want. I can watch TV till bedtime. I can surf net and blog anytime I want. I don't need to subject myself to pain (yes, believe it or not, there's pain ok.) and loads of boring scales. Not to mention playing the same song over and over again. I also dread going for the exam which Andy wanted me to aim towards this coming Nov. The thought was almost too delicious for me to forget. Plus with Andy not teaching me anymore, I still have to deal with a new teacher who till now, has not met up with me for a single lesson yet. And I thought with me giving up flute, I can find time to take up driving lessons, and maybe even finish my piano Grade 8.

And just when I was really looking forward to breaking the news to Andy, I received an sms from my cousin who's learning the violin now. He's one year younger than me, and has always yearned to master an instrument. He actually smsed to ask that I be his piano accompaniment for his Grade 1 violin exam next year. Of course I was honoured lah (and a bit stressed too). But the greatest emotion that came over me was a sudden sadness and 羞耻 at myself. I look at my cousin being so enthusiastic towards his first exam, and I compare it to my laziness and failure to persist in the flute. I think I really take things too much for granted. Of course I still remembered how much interest and keeness I initially had, and how determined I was to practise my flute to perfection (or at least to Andy's approval). And to think all these just disappeared after I took on my new posting. Its damn sad lar.

I've decided to give the flute another go. If Andy thinks I'm ready for the exam, I will go for it. I've decided that even if I fail it, I've at least tried my best. I don't want to be a 喜新厌旧 person. I don't want all my past 2 years practice to go to waste. I'm so old liao, yet still so impulsive at times. I think even if I were to give up flute someday, I will want to have at least obtained a certain grade before I stop. This will at least show that I've achieved something for the past 2 years.

Ganbatte ne!