I think I've not written anything for so long that I've nearly forgotten how much I loved blogging before. This job is really no good for me. Besides good colleagues, there's nothing to brag or be happy about. And I've been sick quite a number of times since I started working here. I can spend the weekends mulling over the unsettled issues at work, that I actually find myself hoping that weekdays come back faster, so I can go back to work.

As I've mentioned, blogging is good. It allows me to bitch and bitch about something which I cannot say out loud, and still get some to vent some frustrations. But have to 可怜 my readers lor. So you can stop reading at this point, cos the rest of the entry will contain mainly just that. Complaints and complaints.

I've given up trying to repair the 'good' reputation of my boss in the office. When I first arrived back in Nov, I found everyone having something against him, so much so that he had become a frequent common topic to talk about whenever we have lunch. I had always thought it was such a waste, cos till yesterday, I had always found his judgements and evaluations of certain issues to be quite accurate and sound. Though they may not be the most pleasing to the ears, but it had never given me reason to not believe him, or go according to his suggestions. Some of his recommendations could sometimes appear to be rather unreasonable and far-fetched, but at the end of the day, I would somehow be able to see why he arrived at them, and his 苦心 at doing so. Which was also why I had never really believed him to be a bad person, and that at all times, he's always working towards the good of our organisation.

But today, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I no longer want to defend his actions anymore. Why? This time, he took it too far and I really felt he was pushing me to do something which was not me, and most importantly, against my conscience. My boss is one person who believes that if someone doesn't do according to what we requests, then we should send stinker emails to him/her to let them know our displeasure, thereby hinting to them that their reputation would suffer if they don't do this and that..etc. Today, he actually berated me for not showing a firm stance towards a colleague from another department. And his exact instructions to me was to send a warning email to him, and sort of 'force' him to make a clear decision. Yes, by doing so, I agree that I would be able to coerce many many people out there to act according to my wishes. But I would never believe in doing that. What's the use of forcing someone to act against their will? Yes, you get your job done, but at the expense of your own reputation and I'm sure no one would ever want to work with me anymore. I must remember that come 2 years later, I will eventually leave this department to work in another division/dept in my organisation. What if the person I 'forced' now becomes my colleague? Wouldn't that be utterly embarassing and killing my career?

I totally could not agree to his suggestion (it was actually an order). I don't think its the right way to do it, and we don't need to go to such extent to achieve our objectives. True I'll have to source for other people, if the persons I approached refused to help me. But its ok. I'll just keep trying till I succeed. Don't you agree with me that the process is as important as the end? I still remember his exact question to me was "What is it that you disagree about my recommendation?" What could I say? That "I think you're mean and crap to think of such a thing. If I was the recipient of the email, I'll remember you for life and probably not hold you in high esteem, no matter how far you climbed up the corporate ladder".

I'm seriously quite disappointed that he actually thought of this method to deal with the issue. I had always tried not to believe in my colleagues' gossip about him, no matter how many examples they had cited. And best part, I didn't even had the guts to tell him that I didn't agree with him. But I think my face says it all, cos I'm not very good at masking my emotions. He's really a idiot.

I think somehow, my Friday has been ruined by him. There's nothing I wish more than to see him being posted to another department. The rumours that he's moving are really come in fast and furious, cos he just got promoted this year. Sometimes, his suggestions can really be quite creative and useful. But I don't agree it should be carried out at another person's expense.

My subordinate's advice to me? "***** him and do what you think is appropriate. Never go against your conscience. ITS NOT WORTH IT."

How true.